Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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