Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
