my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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