This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
