I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
