Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
