You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
