I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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