No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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