you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
