We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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