Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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