it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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