somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
