toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
