i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The air was thick with penises
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
