so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
