Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
