If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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