i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
