I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
