my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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