Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
