I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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