u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
