I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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