my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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