k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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