so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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