I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
