I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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