Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
