I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize