He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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