I have demons in me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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