she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
