so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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