so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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