I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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