Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
