Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
