What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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