I CAN MOONWALK!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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