hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
