i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
