he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The feeling are messing with the penis
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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