I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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