awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We left the knife in your bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
