garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
