all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
