yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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