fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
