I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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