in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My vagina just recognized that song.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
