Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
