Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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