i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to make out with him forever
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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