I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
