Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
