We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
