dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk