Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.