I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish I only lived at night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.