she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.