chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
