You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...