Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.