Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?