she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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