i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
