She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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