Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
