You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
