i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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