I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
