the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
