Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
