FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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