Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
