Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
