So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They have beer where we have blood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
