Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
