she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
