I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
