my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
