I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
