I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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