I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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