hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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