stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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