Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
