adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
