I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
