3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think my fart just growled at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize