I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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