I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
