It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
